Cat Burglar
by crematosis
Summary: Castiel's cat has been stealing underwear from the neighbors for a long time now and he is thoroughly fed up with his cat's mischievous nature. But he finds himself less upset when he realizes which neighbor all the underwear belongs to.


Castiel groaned as his orange tabby cat waltzed into the kitchen, a pair of red boxers dangling from his mouth. "Gabriel, no. Not again."

He had expected his cat to act up a little after the move to their new home, but he had been anticipating peeing on the carpets or scratching up the sofa. Stealing underwear from the neighbors was not something he had ever considered.

He pulled the underwear out of Gabriel's mouth, ignoring his indignant yowl.

"No," Castiel said firmly. "We've talked about this. You cannot continue stealing undergarments from the neighbors. This has gone on long enough."

Even a few days would have been far too long, but Gabriel had been stealing underwear for over a month now. They were all clean, thankfully, but Castiel still washed every pair. There was no telling if the owners were allergic to cat hair and Castiel wouldn't wish itchy genitals upon even his worst enemies.

With a sigh, Castiel added the boxers to his pile of laundry. Once they were washed, they'd join the ever-growing pile of undergarments on top of the fridge, safely out of Gabriel's reach.

One of these days, he really needed to find their owners. Normal people didn't keep underwear on top of their fridges. Especially strangers' underwear.

Luckily, it looked like most of the pairs belonged to the same man. They were all the same size, same brand. It was a logical assumption. And the two pink satin panties Gabriel had randomly acquired could perhaps belong to the man's wife or girlfriend. But that was probably wishful thinking. Gabriel could have hit up every house in the neighborhood.

His eyes narrowed as Gabriel slunk towards the back door. "And where do you think you're going?"

Gabriel sped up into a run.

Castiel quickly placed himself in front of the door and secured the cat flap. "I think you've bothered our neighbors enough. Go play with some of your cat toys."

With a huff, Gabriel vaulted up to the top of his cat tree, curled up into a ball, and glared down at Castiel.

Castiel shrugged. "That works, too. Just stay out of trouble."

The next morning, Castiel took pity on his pouting cat and let him back out into the yard. But he would be keeping a close eye on him this time.

Sine he was watching Gabriel's every move, he expected the cat would be on his best behavior, just chasing bugs around the backyard or perhaps basking in the sunshine. But to his great surprise, Gabriel vaulted over the fence into the front yard and made a beeline across the street.

The house directly across from Castiel's was owned by a man named Dean Winchester. Although Castiel wouldn't quite consider them friends, Dean was very neighborly. He had introduced himself when Castiel first moved into the neighborhood and always smiled and waved when he saw Castiel out and about. Castiel liked his smile, like the way his skin crinkled around his eyes, liked the sparkle…

Okay, so maybe he was easy on the eyes. He couldn't let that distract him.

At the moment, Dean was in his driveway, washing down the black Impala. Castiel didn't know much about his neighbor, but he knew he was very fond of his car and he always washed his car very thoroughly.

With an effort, Castiel tore his eyes away from Dean and back to Gabriel. The cat slunk across Dean's front yard and into the open garage.

Was that a...yes, it looked like Dean's washer and dryer were located in the garage.

"Bingo," Castiel said as he watched Gabriel trot back across the street with a pair of black boxer briefs in his mouth.

He intercepted the cat on the front porch and snatched the underwear out of his mouth. "No," he said over Gabriel's wail of protest. "These are going right back to Mr. Winchester."

He gathered up all the underwear off the fridge, placing the men's underwear in a large box and the panties in the pocket of his trenchcoat. Today was finally going to be the day Gabriel's underwear collection returned to their rightful owners, starting with the pair he knew for certain belonged to Dean.

Dean was just finishing up his wash when Castiel made it over. He looked up from the car with a warm smile and tossed the towel over his shoulder. "Hey there, Cas. How's it going?"

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said. "I...I have a rather unusual predicament." He pulled the black briefs out of the box. "I watched my cat steal these from your laundry room."

Dean's mouth dropped open. "Really?"

"Are they not your underwear?"

Dean turned the briefs over in his hands. "No, they definitely look like mine. I just can't believe it. A cat stole these?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, my cat is very mischievous. He's stolen multiple pairs at this point." He tipped the box in Dean's direction. "Do you recognize any of these other pairs?"

Dean rifled through the box, nodding and muttering to himself. "Yep, yep, yep…that one looks familiar, that one too…" He paused and held up a pair with the Batman symbol emblazoned on it.

"Oh shit, I've been looking everywhere for these!" he exclaimed.

"Excellent," Castiel said with a smile of relief. "I'm very sorry my cat has caused all this trouble and I promise to keep a closer eye on him from here on." He pressed the box into Dean's arms. "Now all I have to do is find the woman the panties belong to and all the undergarments will be back with their rightful owners."

Dean's face turned an interesting rainbow of colors, shifting from white to green to puce in the span of seconds. "Panties?" he croaked.

Castiel fished the panties out of his pocket. "I'm going to knock on a few doors and see who they belong to."

"You don't need to do that," Dean said hurriedly. "I know who they belong to. I can just give them to her. Yeah. You don't need to trouble yourself."

"Oh no, I really must return them myself," Castiel said. "I have to apologize for my cat's behavior."

Dean coughed. "That's unnecessary. She...she uh, she's my girlfriend. I'll explain everything. She's a very understanding woman. Loves cats. She'll totally get it. No apology necessary."

"I would really like to explain everything to her in person. Does she live with you?"

Dean's eyes darted to the side. "Er...no."

"Then perhaps you can let me know the next time she comes over and I'll be back to return them then."

Dean deflated. "Okay, I lied. I don't have a girlfriend."

Castiel raised an eyebrow.

Dean's face reddened. "They're my panties, okay?" He stuck out a hand. "Give 'em here."

Castiel took a step backwards. "And why should I believe that? How do I know this isn't some plot to steal women's undergarments?"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Dean growled. He snatched one of the panties out of Castiel's hands and disappeared into his house, the door slamming behind him.

Moments later, the door reopened and Dean marched out, wearing nothing but the panties. He spread his arms wide. "See? It fits. Happy now?"

Castiel tried not to stare. He really did. But his eyes were drawn to the sizable bulge in the panties. They definitely fit Dean, but just barely. One false move and he might expose himself.

"Wow, those are sexy," he blurted out.

"Uh, thanks." Dean shifted uncomfortably, a pink flush across his cheeks. "I should really get back inside. Thanks again for returning these."

Castiel watched Dean disappear back into the house. The panties fit his backside so perfectly, the fabric clinging to the swell of his ass.

Well. Maybe he wouldn't put too much effort into stopping Gabriel's mischief. It gave him an excuse to come over and see Dean again. He carefully slipped the other pair of panties back into his pocket and looked longingly back towards Dean's closed door. Yes, he definitely wanted to see Dean again.


End file.
